from the back of the cosmic junk drawer
Monday, January 29, 2007
 
No, seriously, what the hell is wrong with me.

The strangest stuff makes me laugh. I walk through a dark room to get to the kitchen, my foot hits something slightly firm, it meows really loud, and I see a black fuzzy blur shooting off to under the nearest chair, and I start laughing my ass off! Most folks would probably say sorry and comfort the offended feline, but I couldnt think of anything but how my cat cant seem to stay out of my big lumbering way when he's the one with the see in the dark superpowers! Unless he was sleeping. Then its still his own damn fault for sleeping in the middle of the floor. Stupid cat. Simple, stupid, funny cat. Hes 14 and still thinks something jumpy on a string is still fun. And hes the smart cat. the other one still reminds me of Patrick on Spongebob.
One of the other many things is I belong to a family who thinks static electricity is good clean fun. I was hanging out with my sister, her husband, and three kids and we start talking about static electricity and how if you sit on a certain couch in their house, rub your feet on the floor, and touch the kid with all the hair (as you see below) without touching the couch, you will actually hear the hair crackle and get a bit of a spark if you turn the light off. No one gets hurt, everyone gets a good laugh, and a free science lesson!



So I am pretty sure i have a really twisted sense of humor but the good thing is I know I am not alone. I hope.
 
Saturday, January 20, 2007
 
Wanted: One dependable workout partner.

Size, shape, ethnicity, gender... none of it matters. You just have to show up. This month 3 people said they would help me stay focused and accountable by agreeing to workout with me. I have only worked out with one of them and then there was a scheduling/family conflict wich I can understand. I am not dissappointed with any of them, I am just saying its hard to stay on course when it seems your the only one serious about it. Because of all this, I am starting to lose interest myself. I was doing pretty good for awhile. Now, well, as I was writing this, the cat is eating pizza crumbs he found off my gut. So now I am bringing the cat down to my cholesterol laden level. Great. All bitching and whining aside though, things are going allright.My two small jobs brought me two bigger jobs. Can't beat that! Life is good. I have to go to my new nephews baptism tomorrow morning. Get together with family. Eat a buffet with them all later. Crap. See what I mean?
 
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
 
Well, I am back from a week in the Twin cities and am working on a few small jobs here. Ahhh, it was great to visit with freinds while I was up there, but its also good to be back. I even thought I had Directv hooked up yesterday but I was mistaken. I bought it and 3 more recievers from my buddy who had recently switched to cable. I hooked them up and even got a signal AND programming! so I was hesitant to call to get it put in my name right away. I, instead, went to work and came back later to find no more free programming. Bummer. So much for riding free radio waves for a while. anyway, It was too late call so I will just do it tomorrow. Today, I called and got bounced around Directv central like anyone would. After finally landing in the call center from Hell, I end up with Miss Slack-jaw-yokle. And the conversation goes like this.

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: Hello, my name is Miss Slack-jaw-yokle. Your phone number and account number please?

Me: My phone number is 3..0.72...4....0... and the account number is 294857-75-267-76-56969886965, but its the old owners account number. See I bought it from him and set it up at my house. Its working, I have a good signal, and even had some free programming already, Ha Ha! I just want to get the service connected, account in my name and a new plan. And the gal I was talking to before sent me to you to buy a new card.

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: And the old owners name?

Me: Craig Jf;f;j;jsiririrg...

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: So your at the same address as him, just put in your name then?

Me: (Laughing. Deep breath. Relax) No, I bought it from him and I just want to get the service connected, account in my name and a new plan. I live about 20 miles away from him. She said I just need to buy a new card!

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: Oh, I cant sell you a new card on a used system. We cant connect service on a used system.

Me: What? But it was working after I hooked it up! I had a signal and programming. All I need is to get the service connected.

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: No, I'm sorry sir. We cant connect a new customer with used equipment. You cant use used equipment.

Me: Well, thats why they sent me to you, to give me a new computer card. Cant you just give me a new card?

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: Its used equipment. We cant set up new customers on used equipment! You cant use used equipment!

Me: But it was working! I watched half of Brothers Grimm on encore and then I had to leave. When I came back, it was off!

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: I'm sorry sir, but we cant.

Me: But it was working, already! Ya know, I used to have dish network, and then sold it to a friend of my mine. He didnt have to by a new card or anything. Just put it in his name.

Miss Slack-jaw-yokle: The only way a new customer can use used equipment is if they lease or buy a reciever and then add an additional recever. Then they can use a used receiver for one of the extra receivers. We currently have an offer to give you the dish and up to 4 receivers free. Would you like to go ahead and sign up for that today?

Me: (By now, laughing my ass off) Naw, thats okay, Lady, I think I will go ahead and go back to dish network! Life was a lot simpler and easier with them! I sure would like to thank you for your time, though! And your HEEEEEELP!

So, thats just the part of the conversation I can remember! I dont know if she was full of crap, tired, didnt want to take another call or what, but after that there is no way I am going with those guys. Screw that! If I have this much trouble with dish I quite possibly will freak out. And thats pretty much my night. I get 3 channels witha booster antennae out here in the sticks. And it all depends on the weather. I am out in the country so there is no cable to speak of and computer is dial up. It kind of like camping when all your friends are staying in a 4 star hotel. Sure, its fun for a while...
 
Friday, January 05, 2007
 

I have decided to make this the year. Make some changes. get over this continuing slothlike behavior I find myself slowly settling into. At the start of the year I thought " Hey, I quit smoking, started working out again, I am just going to keep doing this into 2007." So far I have just noticed myself getting kind of lazy. I watched mallrats over the Holidays and I really dig the part where Jay yells to Silent Bob "Fly, Fat Ass, Fly!" as he is about to go to battle with the single lynchpin that holds the whole stage together that their mission is to disassemble. In fact, I am seriously thinking of making this my slogan. Yeah, I think we will go with that for a while.
 
Rants, ideas, ponderings, and generally one sided views from a perpetually misinformed small town, big city, then small town again type of guy who is just plain trying to get it all figured out.

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Location: Montevideo, Minnesota, United States

Ive been described as handy, witty, generous, and a smooth talker. Now if any of its true or they were just being nice, I dont know.

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